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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Mike Tyson officially signs with Pride

In a business decision that could only come from the depths of hell or the minds of japanese businessmen, Pride has announced that 'Iron' Mike Tyson has signed with them. What position in the company Tyson will have in the organization is unclear, however I have lined up a short list of jobs Tyson might have with Pride:
  • Trimming pesky cauliflower ears for fighters
  • Raping ring girls
  • Replacing Frank Trigg, who's voice was deemed "too annoying and squeaky"
  • Guest reffing in the match between Fedor and Mirko CroCop, seeming to team up with the Russian early on, only to surprise everyone by delivering a Stone Cold Stunner to Fedor in the closing seconds of the final round.
  • Creating a spectacle and dragging MMA down into the mud just like he did to boxing.

It is possible that the gods want to continue their systematic destruction and humiliation of the once great Tyson by putting him in a ring with an actual Pride fighter. I can only imagine this would be the first step in the next generation of mixed martial arts where people with no martial arts skills are mercilessly punished for being too stupid and greedy to know better. I like to call it mixed massive asskicking.

The vague official announcement from Pride's website

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